I don't want to be a burden to my son

[jamestai]

Hi,

Just want to share this video that I just watch. I think is a good lesson for all of us here that we have to be responsible for our own retirement planning. It will be sad that you have to go to sue your children in your old age for not giving you pocket money. And Singapore is the only place which allow you to do that. Well I think maybe under some circumstances this law does help some needy parent to get help from their children financially. But time has change, my personal view is in today world parent should only be financially responsible for their children until they able to work and feed themself. After that just tell them frankly that they have to go to earn their own money and parent should not give them a penny for non-emergency or non life threatening situation.

Parents should also don't be naive that their children will take care of them forever in today world. I do understand that parent love for children is forever but be prepare that the children might not reciprocal the same way to the parents.

http://money.cnn.com/video/pf/2011/09/1 ... .cnnmoney/

James Tai

[JIMMYKKL]

my personal view is in today world parent should only be financially responsible for their children until they able to work and feed themself. After that just tell them frankly that they have to go to earn their own money and parent should not give them a penny for non-emergency or non life threatening situation.

hi James,
u r not wrong as i oso told my sons i will provide them till they past 21. exception is education. no ferradi, no bungalow, that they must get it themselves.

but as parents, many things is easier say than done, especially mother (there are oso exceptions) for example, my son in army now.
my day serving army, i m fully on my own, no one bother though mother 担心 but nothing much she can do. i on motorbike myself. now friday pick son book out, sunday send him book in. i m not alone though, many other cars also there doing the same thing. so pls spare a thought for Dennis cos his son will be >18 in a few years time. help him not to miss his son's "O" level when time due.

i know it is hard to undertsand young people now cos sure there will be Gen Gap even with my 2 boys. so COMMUNICATION & LOVE are very important to us. my days, father dun talk to us. mother juz hope we dun get into troubles. my report book no "red word" can liao........

ok, cut short here is after i knew I Ching. it is all about Yin Yang. as 曾仕強教授 put it Chinese are different from Ang Mo in that westerners are 绝对黑或白 (ABSOLUTE) no in between. Chinese many times decision is yes & no... when i was young i sure disagree cos i oso went to ang mo school. now, older, knock wall many times, kick too many stones, simmered down a lot................i tends to agree now.

younger days see girl cry while watching love movie, felt so akward, make fun them. i watch Qing Dynasty DVD also no feeling for those 感情戏 .. now, watch emperor show, loyalty oso can toch me and tears just flow. king show filial to mother queen oso can touch me. queen, concubines pathetic stage, sadness also i can relate and feel for them. tears just flow. how many times u people saw Dennis near breakdown on stage? but "Da Por still da por ma" (male) i still do that only when watching alone, when nobody watching. pai seh ma.

one example 曾仕強教授 gave was if son wrong and we will to beat him, ang mo is beat or dun beat. chinese style is how to beat?

another example is daughter play mother's make up n dun obey mother's scolding. father & mother over dinner table "indirectly" send the message to her and after that u force her also she will never touch her mother make up.

u may like to take a look at - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYqIGy1P ... playnext=3

this is afterall a masteryourfinance forum n i had side track to other topic. not sure if it is correct but i m sharing something i think many out there facing yet no time to find solution cos too busy chasing food for the family.

some may like some may dislike, some may approve some may disapprove, still Black & White, right.

cheers.

[woonty]

Hi,

Just want to share this video that I just watch. I think is a good lesson for all of us here that we have to be responsible for our own retirement planning. It will be sad that you have to go to sue your children in your old age for not giving you pocket money. And Singapore is the only place which allow you to do that. Well I think maybe under some circumstances this law does help some needy parent to get help from their children financially. But time has change, my personal view is in today world parent should only be financially responsible for their children until they able to work and feed themself. After that just tell them frankly that they have to go to earn their own money and parent should not give them a penny for non-emergency or non life threatening situation.

Parents should also don't be naive that their children will take care of them forever in today world. I do understand that parent love for children is forever but be prepare that the children might not reciprocal the same way to the parents.

http://money.cnn.com/video/pf/2011/09/1 ... .cnnmoney/

James Tai

Nobody owes us a living, no matter how much we sacrifice for our children or what misery we may be presently suffering (hope not) because our children do not ask to be brought into the world & it is for our own selfish reason (too harsh) or decision/desire to have them in the first place.

But needing to sue them, already mean I have failed as a parent, myself so much talk about filial piety

A lot of parents nowadays busy with climbing corporate ladders have neglected their children by showering/spoiling them with luxuries to compensate for the lack of time, thinking that’s love !

OR some say, “to give the “best” to their children” so much so that their children have lost their hunger/desire to excel or worst cannot fence for themselves when the parents are gone

In fact, we just need to provide them with a good education, insurance (let them pay themselves when they starts working) & basic necessities because luxuries once enjoyed become a necessity, dangerous.

Generally, the older generation save/earn to achieve their want/goal while younger generation EXPECT instant gratification (used to be provided by their parents) or worst via thru credit card



woonty

[slee]

Hi all 'qian bei'

Thank you once again for all your selfless sharing.

I am also starting to plan for a child soon and have been pondering how to be a good parent in the future. My husband intro me a good book call 'di zhi gui' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Di_Zi_Gui) which i think will be a good guideline to teach children. In fact i am still learning to be a truly good person too base on this basic guidelines and hopefully i can set a good example for my children in the future.
My dream is to bring up my children with good moral foundation base on this set of teachings, and then hopefully with my experience i can start a children center to guide other children as well. At that time, hopefully i have achieve my financial freedom to focus on my dream

Just sharing,
Slee

[JIMMYKKL]

'di zhi gui'

di zhi gui is good. dun worry baby, kid cannot understand. they can absorb but dun understand. does not matter. juz let them memorise, when they grow up and come across it, they will know. Confucius said one, not me. Human learn & remember thing differently at different stage. old man like me u want me 背 sure want my life. haha.

hopefully i have achieve my financial freedom to focus on my dream

hv faith u will. Dennis already told u people the upside/downside rule. this is really a Golden Rule of Thumb by many 上岸 people. dun under estimate it. even can apply to children education etc.... just need to tilt the rules.

cheers.

[slee]

Thank you once again 'qian bei' for sharing and your encouragement.
As Dennis Sifu has taught, i will need to believe ,focus on being selfless and aquire the right knowledge...the rest will eventually fall into place.
Its really great to be part of this family which keeps me motivated to continue on my journey